I recently asked on my Instagram stories for some ideas on what to write about. One person got back to me and said, “how do you manage your anxiety?”
I thought, great, thats a topic I can share so much on.
But I would be lying if i said I knew how to ‘manage’ it, because most days its far from managing, sometimes I feel like my anxiety manages me.
I should start from the beginning though, the first time I learned that I was “anxious” which later turned into a diagnosed “Generalised Anxiety Disorder” with “Panic Disorder”.
I would say I always knew or felt like I was an anxious child, and my mother did not shy away from telling me that I was ‘difficult’ and fearful of most things growing up. But it wasn’t until I entered my 14th year that i started experiencing anxiety and panic attacks on the regular. At the time no doctor would diagnose me until 5 years later, I was 19 and a good friend of mine at the time forced me to see another doctor for a second opinion. It got to a point where I would come to her crying fearful of almost every little thing. I stopped driving my car, attending university lectures, socialising with friends because every single day was a struggle with panic attacks, irrational thoughts, feelings.
Recently a friend described me as ‘calm’ and I almost fell off my chair.
Who me? Calm?
Woah! I had never heard those words used to describe me ever, or more accurately I had never seen myself in such light. It made me think, was all this nervous and anxious energy I felt only what I was noticing and feeling internally, or was I still holding onto old versions of myself, the voice of my mum echoing in my ear… on the outside was I was in fact cool as a cucumber? Calm and collected?
I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I have an intense fear of flying. There isn’t a single flight I have taken in my life where I haven’t experienced a panic attack. Anxiety for me is very much tied in with my panic attacks. But it’s also related to the people and things I surround myself with. I learnt very recently that weeding out toxic people from my life helped my anxiety levels. I think this relates to being an empath; I absorb other peoples energy instantly. I also stopped denying myself the need for self – care. I turned it into a priority. I allowed myself “me-time” and push aside any “mummy guilt” or human guilt I had towards it.
As a mental health condition/disorder I don’t think I will ever be anxiety – free. I think some personality types are just more prone to it than others. I am a strong believer that it is both nature and nurture that contributes to our mental health. Faith and spirituality have helped me become less anxious, but even as a spiritual and religious person I am not completly anxiety or panic free.
A friend I made online recommended this book/app to me recently and I couldn’t thank her enough for it. Visit the link below. The number of times I have opened this app up in the middle of the night to help me over come irrational thoughts and feelings is insane. I even made my husband listen to some of the audios with me and he started implementing the dialogue from them whenever he started seeing me in an anxious state.
One thought on “Anxiety”
Od davna te ne vidim i ne cujem an facebuku, zato sam odlucijo da posjetim tvoj blog. Nki zive svoj zivot bez brige i bez razmisljenja- u stalnoj galami i pokretu. Nemaju snage da se zaustavu i pitaju pitanja kao Gaugin- Od kuda smo dosli, Zasto smo ovdje i Gdje idemo. A onda ima individualaca kao ti koji zive da nadju odgovore na ta pitanja. Drago mi je cuti da Vjera ti je pomogla. Ali, sumljam na kraju, da smo svi rodjeni sa nekim kemikalskim problemima, kao da smo igrali Ruski roulette, pa cak i prije nego sto smo se rodili. Nasljedimo mnogo od nasih pramdjeda i roditelja- i dobre i slabe stvari. One stvari sto poduzmes su pozitivne i nadam se (od sveg srca) da ce sve ukupno savaldati faze dipresije. Nisam znao da te vec mucilo kad si bila u skoli. Sad razumim zasto bi poletila iz mog razreda. Divno je citati da te Ramo razumi i da ti pruza support. U tome si sretna. Najbolje zelje kao i uvjek.