March 2015

I always had such a remarkable memory, I could recall moments of my life in such detail and access memories that many had long forgotten. The memory of Isaacs birth is one that I re-visit almost every time I look at him. There was something profound about that mild autumn day though, that would make any memory recollection of my life’s events preceding this one almost inaccessible or unimportant.

Now, the scientist in me equates this phenomenon to the adrenaline of labour, or perhaps the side effects of spinal anesthesia, according to Dr Google “scientists haven’t understood why about one third of patients who undergo anesthesia and surgery experience some kind of cognitive impairment such as memory loss”…

I could write about my highly anxious pregnancy, to the two miscarriages which preceded it, to the 15 hour induced labour, which ended in an emergency c-section, to a colic baby and a post natal mother.

For now I just want to describe the very moment I first heard my baby boys high pitched cry, and the very first moment our eyes met. Wide eyed, he stared straight into mine, his cry settling to the sounds of the Athaan being recited in his ear, it was in that moment that time felt like it stood still. The strange thing was, I didn’t see my newborn baby, or my son in that moment, I saw something that I never quite imaged I would see in waking life. I saw a soul – soul on the precipice of two worlds, leaving the presence of the Divine and entering into a strange new world, in the arms of me. I was gifted my very own soul, to love, nurture and raise, for how long, I had no knowledge, all I knew in that moment was that I was holding my very own piece of Heaven.

Most memories preceding this one, take longer for me to recollect. The woman I was before I became a mother is harder to remember, the life I lived before motherhood is harder to recall. Whatever hardship I endured or moment of joy I experienced were not comparable to the first memory I have of looking into Isaacs eyes. He changed my world forever.

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